Silence

Holy Crap! So long since I’ve posted anything, and I break my silence with that? But it’s pretty much all I am able to say currently about the state of my life—“holy fucking crap!”

There are several reasons to explain the silence. The first being that I may have had the most genuinely frustrating two weeks of my life a few weeks ago. In another round of Turkish Bureaucracy Roulette, there were hours spent running between the electric and water companies, the noter, the translator, as well as meetings with contractors, visiting artists, film students needing subjects for class projects. Then on top of it, I had agreed to perform a solo variety show at a theater, but failed to do anything about it until the last minute. Some last minute preparations included getting a new foot juggling trinka made of iron from a couple of Armenian brothers who resembled Dr. Jekyl and Mr. Hyde, making a monkey costume from scratch, constructing a shadow puppet stage with non-existent materials, writing a shadow-puppet play, remembering how to ride the unicycle and play the ukelele at the same time, and figuring out how to play the theme from Aşk-i Memnu on the accordion. In the end, I never got a chance to rehearse or stage the show and I had to do the whole production as ‘Circus Improv’.

The second reason for silence is that, with so many gajillions of meetings and problem-solving marathons, my only wish at the end of a long day was to not say anything. I was sick of hearing myself speak, sick of listening to other people speak, and sick of writing when I wasn’t speaking. The first full day off that I got (well, I never ‘got’ it—I just ‘took’ it) I sat in my room and didn’t utter a single word all day.

That day was a couple of weeks ago, and we have started demolition and construction on our new building in the meantime. This is the really stressful part. The part, that if I were married to someone and this were our house, it could lead to considering divorce. Actually, it is pretty much exactly like that.

Julie and I didn’t know each other that well when we formed a company together. I mean, sure, we enjoyed each other’s company, we respected each other, we had common goals in life. . . . Just like normal young lovers. Unlike normal young lovers, we aren’t lovers. Which means that the annoying things you find out about people when you dig deeper can’t be smoothed over by sex (with each other–sex with other people can do the trick though. . .) Still, we are getting along splendidly given the amount of stress we have brought upon ourselves. Sure, we are starting to notice the annoying habits we each have. For instance, when Julie is annoyed or unable to deal with a situation she starts humming like an autistic child. She thinks no one notices, but it is her way of tuning out. And I’m sure she is fed up with my constant sarcasm and impatience as well. But in the end, what we are doing would not be as fun or as easy without each other.

So, by the end of the summer, we hope to have a running building. Before then, though, we have scheduled visiting artists to come install their works into the building. Like wrangling cats, it is . . . not sure what we were thinking. So I have been trying to escape as often as possible with trips to Poland (you know, for the ‘smoothing over’) and a performance in Sofia , Island day trips, the Mardin Biennial, and a possible month on the East Coast of the US of A! Where is it possible to fix your roof without bribing someone, and where a notarized page costs $2.35. Ahh, what luxury.

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